Alex, who is 5-feet-9, dark featured, covered in body hair and with a bit of a gut, is getting so turned on that in a few minutes, he says, he’s going to approach the woman and insist that she come out to the parking lot and pleasure him right there. And they’re doing it with their spouse’s encouragement. “I’ll bet you there’s a couple on your street who are doing it. But I live in Morris Plains — the Mayberry of Morris County. Or maybe I’m just not traveling in the right circles.
“Come to think of it, you’d be a good Plan B.” I let the remark pass. Alex and Susan, a South Jersey teacher, are swingers, and after promising to use only their first names, general job descriptions and no other information that would easily identify them, they’re letting me in on one of New Jersey’s best-kept bedroom secrets: Happily married couples are having lots of sex — with other people. The only time people talk openly about humping is when they’re clamoring for a neighborhood speed bump.
If you’ve got the guts or the inclination to act, you’ll discover we’ve come a long way from those 1970s car-keys parties, baby. As he delivers the play-by-play, in a voice that’s half Marv Albert, half Lance Armstrong after climbing the Alps with a broken gear and Gov. ” The woman, Susan, a 43-year-old brunette, is oozing out of a clingy white V-neck sweater. The listing — one of dozens posted for New Jersey each month — announced to male members that the couple would be on the prowl tonight, looking for someone to satisfy her. We’re regular people.” He wants to drive home the point. Although our research found that many profiles are obviously bogus, and a lot of swingers (or posers) have more than one account, that’s still a lot of recreational sex. Try adultfriendfinders or (Swingers Date Club), or or or personal ads on Craigslist or one of the New Jersey swinging groups. From time to time, the woman laughs and touches the man’s arm, and Alex, 46, is getting more worked up. Tonight, Alex and Susan are on a “hot date,” which is basically a casting call to see who will get to have sex with them — or more accurately, with her. A week ago, they posted a notice on a swinger’s website, (short for Swinging Lifestyle), which is how I found them. Talk to swingers, and it’s a wonder I haven’t tripped over four of them having sex in the local Stop & Shop — because apparently swingers are everywhere: “There are thousands and thousands of swinging couples in New Jersey,” one veteran swinger told me, “and it’s even bigger in New York and Pennsylvania.” One of the largest swingers’ websites, adultfriendfinders.com, says it has more than 30 million accounts.He has conducted six studies of swingers and is finishing his latest book, “The Swinging Paradigm: Sex, Lust and Non-Monogamy.” Within a small gathering, swingers might share commonalities, he says, but across the swinging spectrum, they are “as diverse a social group” as you can find.“Swingers are into it for many different reasons,” Fernandes says.
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He had to be well-endowed (and able to prove it with photos).He had to have stamina, had to agree to safe sex and had to be willing to be watched and possibly videotaped during sex. If she wasn’t interested, she would be checking out the rest of the bar, looking for Plan B.” He glances at me.” The profiles usually detail specific sexual appetites.Are they exploring fantasies, but doing so with their partner’s blessing?
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Are swingers — even if they say they’re happy overall — sexually dissatisfied in their marriages?
Swingers usually are looking for people who share their sexual interests.
Swinging is no longer, ‘Let’s get a bunch of people together, throw a few mattresses on the floor and screw.’” Diversity aside, Fernandes’ research provides a profile of the average swingers: They are mostly white, between 36 and 55 years of age, mostly college educated, currently married between 11 and 20 years, with a household income that ranges from ,000 to 0,000.
While non-swingers might view swinging as a depraved behavior that threatens marriage and the family unit, research indicates that swingers, by and large, believe they have strong, loving and committed relationships. “At best, it’s an abbreviated lifestyle — because we got bored, because of the problems couples encounter with jealousy and trust issues.
But Marty Tashman, a marriage counselor for 34 years in Middlesex and Somerset counties, isn’t buying it. Sexual adventure might be exciting for a while, but it gets old. In the best cases, couples say, ‘We did it, we tried it, but we’re done with it.’ ” But why do they do it? Are they momentarily rebelling from a life of always doing the right thing?